Challenges

Challenges, Roadblocks, and Faith

          Well today was a challenging day for my whole family which included a few roadblocks requiring us to have trust in our faith to make sure that everything turns out ok.

          To start off today was the first day of school for my kids whom we are homeschooling this year. This is not something that is just new to my wife, but also new to myself and my children as well. What makes this even worse is that we did not really receive a timeline from the home school people telling us the best way to do it so my poor wife is kind of winging the whole thing. In addition our first road block surfaced when we realized that my daughter was going to need almost constant instruction on the computer, of which we only have one in the house, and that we were going to have to find a way to get a second computer into the house to help her out. I have complete faith and trust that my wife is going to get this straightened out and fall into a rhythm that the kids will be able to flow with. The kids on the other hand, are having a hard time distinguishing between mom the teacher and mom the parent. This is something that we as a family will have to work at, I will be off my night shifts next week and will be able to help out a little more to relieve my wife of some of the stress.

          Roadblock two came once I woke up this afternoon. I knew while applying for seminary that it already wasn’t going to be an easy path to follow, but I have ran into an obstacle right off the bat. Even though my pastor wrote a great reference for me it was addressed by the admissions board today that I have to know my pastor for at least a year for the reference to be accepted. For me this was extremely disheartening and reflected in the way that I talked to my wife. She was trying to tell me about her troubles for the day and I was very abrupt with her and made her feel bad. I should not project the way that I am feeling on to my family. This is just something that I want to do so bad, and I was just trying to rack my brain and figure out who I could contact for the Pastoral reference letter. This is something that I am still trying to figure out now, but I have come to the realization that this is just another test for me to pass, it is also a avenue to bring back relationships that I have let fall to the side due to lack of contact. I now have the chance to track down my old Chaplain that I served in Iraq with, it might prove to be impossible to contact him, but I will give it my best attempt. I am also going to send an email to the admissions board explaining that there is only one other person of the clergy that I have known other that Pastor Gregg and that due to military moves you tend to not keep in contact. I would hate to have this be the reason I am not admitted into school. I will keep my faith strong though and pray for guidance. Thank you for reading and God Bless.

G.E.D.D

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Fear

Fear is Natural

          To start of my week I have noticed that I am a little apprehensive, nervous, and fearful and I believe I know why. I think I know why I am apprehensive and nervous, I should be hearing from the school on whether or not my application was approved for seminary school. I mean when you want something this bad and its all you can think about, you will be nervous when waiting for the answer.

          What I have been thinking about is why I am scared. I know what fear is, see I have been scared plenty in my life. Through my tours in the military to Iraq I felt fear on an almost daily basis. There was an unwritten rule in Iraq, it was stupid and presumptuous to not have fear in your heart when going out on patrol in a war environment and it could get you killed. What I am unable to figure out is why I am scared about the decision from the school. I know that whatever the school says is meant to be because it is what God wants for me; so why am I scared of the decision?

          I have been thinking about this a lot today and I think I might have finally figured it out. I am not scared of being denied for the school, I think I am scared that I will be admitted by the school. Hear me out now, I think the fear is coming from being accepted and not being good enough. I mean to fail in something this big and not glorify God is a lot to take on. I know that I will put my best foot forward per say, but what if that is not enough? I know that doubts like this are normal and to be expected, but I still hate having them. I know what I have in my heart to do and what I can do; I know that He knows what I can do because He is with me always. I just can’t stop thinking about not pleasing Him and letting Him down. I will just have to put these thoughts to the back of my head and not worrying about this anymore. I have had this put on my heart and will fulfill His wishes 150%. Thank you for reading and God Bless.

G.E.D.D.

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Waiting

Waiting is Nerve Wrecking

            Well as the title says, waiting on an answer for something you want to do is extremely nerve wrecking. This week I completed the process of submitting my application for Seminary school through Moody Bible Institute, and now I am just waiting on the response from the school. Unlike most schools who will accept you just to get your money, this one actually has an approval process.

            The application alone was a little nerve wrecking because I was providing some fairly personal information to people I have never and will probably never meet. I had to answer questions not only about myself, but also about my wife and her previous marriage. For me that was a little weird, but I guess I understand why. When you make the decision to serve God in the way that I feel I am being led to serve, I have to stand for all mine and my family’s decisions. I am pretty sure though that my application portion was solid.

            Then of course is the transcript process of the application. This was a fairly easy process for me to complete. I am now just hoping that most of my classes that I have taken this far will transfer over to my new school, that would help to focus my studies in Word instead of core classes, which is what I am looking forward to.

            The last portion of the application and probably the one I am most worried about is the personal reference portion from my pastor. I am not worried because I think my pastor would say anything bad about me, but the process says that my pastor should know me for at least a year. Well there is no pastor that I have ever known for a year, but Pastor Greg is the only pastor that has truly had the chance to get to know me both personally and spiritually. I am hoping that my strength and dedication to my faith and my love for God will reflect and give strength to my application. Although my pastor did send me a message telling me that as long as the admissions team didn’t read his reference letter I should be good for the school. HAHAHA didn’t think I would throw that out there did you Greg. Nah I am just kidding, I have complete trust and faith in my pastor, and if he doesn’t think I am ready then I would respect that no matter what.

            So now comes the hardest part of the whole process, the waiting. I was told that once the school gets all the required documents I should have an answer within a week of yes or no on the admission. I am putting all my faith in the Lord to guide this answer and will respect whatever answer is given to me. You see I look at it this way, I feel that this is something that the Lord has put on my heart to pursue therefore the answer will be a yes. If this is something that I am being led to do for myself and not for God then the answer will be no. I will say this though, even if the answer is no, that does not mean I will give up. I will just study harder, pray harder, and seek more spiritual guidance until I fulfill this thing that has been put on my heart. For those who know me would all know that 6 months ago I would not have even thought about going into ministry. Thank you and God Bless.

G.E.D.D.

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The Decision

The Decision

            This is sort of a continuation from my last blog. It is mainly confirming the path that has been laid down in front of me. I had time to go home and talk to my wife and pray over the matter a little more. In addition I was able to attend another Bible study at my Church and talk to Pastor Greg. Everything I have talked about, prayed about, and have received answers for are all leading to the same answer. Go for it.

            I understand that the decision to change my schooling focus to Ministry is not one to be taken lightly. I also understand that it is not a career field that you go into for monetary glory or fame. My wife had asked me when I talked to her about this; do you know in your heart that when all is said and done, that this decision will be able to take care of the family not only spiritually but also financially? I can answer without a shadow of a doubt yes. I know in my heart that this decision is coming from a higher power, and as long as I am doing what the Lord is guiding me to do, then in the end all will be taken care of. As I learned last night going through our Bible study is that as long as I am pursuing LOVE everything else will fall into place. I might not understand that why at 37 years of age God has all of a sudden put this path in front of me, but it is my duty to follow that path even though I might not understand it. As long as I follow this path and put my faith in the Lord, nothing can go wrong.

            I already know that I am asking the world from my family. First off from my wife and children, I am asking them to support my decision in this journey. We will have tons of life changes in our household, all of which will help to strengthen our family as a whole. Secondly I am asking my parents, who did not raise me in a religious environment, to trust that I am doing the right thing and to believe in me. What is funny about parents is that no matter how old you get they always believe in you and will support you. Lastly I am asking my friends to trust and respect my decision to follow this path. In the end, if they don’t they are not the friends that I should have. I have recently reevaluated all of my relationships and have severed the ones that do not bring me closer to God. The friendships that I had that were destructive and not constructive are now out of my life. I only have a select few of my friends in the military that I still associate with, and those that I do are solid and reciprocate the love that I have for them. As far as my other friends, well that is simple, they are my Church family and as such are more than friends they are family, and I know they will support me.

            I know that this journey is going to test me all the way through, going to work full time and school full time simultaneously is not an easy feat. I know that I will be successful in this because it is what God wants me to do and God would not send me on a mission to fail. It is completely up to me to commit myself 150% to this endeavor and that is exactly what I will be doing. Please pray for me in this journey because I will be praying everyday about this. Thank you for taking the time to read and God bless.

G.E.D.D.

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Where Am I Headed

Something Is Calling

            Ok so for the last few weeks I have noticed that something is calling me to serve the Lord in a way that I never thought I would or could even fathom doing. When I attended my CONNECT class at Church we had gone over the GIFTS that we are all blessed with. For me the Gifts that jumped out at me immediately where Teaching and Knowledge. I had expressed this to my wife and basically we decided to take a step back and pray and see what might develop. Well I think that something spiritually is starting to finish that development and I will explain some of those things below.

            First off I have a passion for teaching. As a Non Commissioned Officer in the US Army it was one of my main duties to teach, mentor, and develop the young Soldiers under my control and in my Units. This is something that I thoroughly loved to do and one of the things that I miss the most about being retired. I don’t really have anyone to teach and mentor to anymore. I understand that teaching the Word is a completely different idea that teaching or training a Soldier, but it still is something that I definitely have a passion for. I have been working towards my degree in Homeland Security for a couple years now but the passion isn’t truly there for me to learn that subject so I kind of put my education on hold.

            Secondly, some changes to the MGIB have recently come to fruition finally that will allow me to attend school full time and still work full time. This is something that had never been a possibility before under the old GI Bills making it very hard for a Veteran to support a family while going to school full time. This change would allow for me to attend full time on-line courses and get paid a monthly housing allowance at a reduced rate, which would reduce some of the financial burden of attending school while working.

            Lastly my Love for Jesus and the Word are growing everyday and that thirst for knowledge (even though I know it will never be quenched in my lifetime) for the Word of God and Christ is something that is consuming me in a good way. I find myself wanting to know more every single day that I wake up. I always look forward to attend Church to see what we are going to talk about and learn about, I am volunteering to help with our young children’s worship, and I can’t wait for our AWANA club to kick off so I can be a part of that also.

            All in all, I feel something tugging at me to change my educational focus. To drop the school that I am currently enrolled in and change my major from Homeland Security to a Religious field. What I have been presented with yesterday and today alone has been guiding me to make this change. The one thing that I know that I am going to have to do is just dive in head first and at full speed. Not just take a class or two to see if I like it. This will take a 100 percent commitment which to be honest, is nothing less than it would deserve. I should be willing to give God 150% of myself which I am completely willing to do because I have this burning inside that won’t subside.

            So where does that leave me? I am currently waiting on a response from Moody online seminary school to let me know if they accept the GI Bill. If that is the case watch out world here I come. I will start my new journey into College as a student of God pursuing a B.S Degree in Ministry Leadership with a Focus in Preaching. This is not something that I hope comes to fruition; this is something I know will come to be. I know in my heart and soul that this is where I am being guided and I know it will only continue to strengthen my bond with God and Christ. Thank you for reading and God Bless.

G.E.D.D

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