Fear

Fear is Natural

          To start of my week I have noticed that I am a little apprehensive, nervous, and fearful and I believe I know why. I think I know why I am apprehensive and nervous, I should be hearing from the school on whether or not my application was approved for seminary school. I mean when you want something this bad and its all you can think about, you will be nervous when waiting for the answer.

          What I have been thinking about is why I am scared. I know what fear is, see I have been scared plenty in my life. Through my tours in the military to Iraq I felt fear on an almost daily basis. There was an unwritten rule in Iraq, it was stupid and presumptuous to not have fear in your heart when going out on patrol in a war environment and it could get you killed. What I am unable to figure out is why I am scared about the decision from the school. I know that whatever the school says is meant to be because it is what God wants for me; so why am I scared of the decision?

          I have been thinking about this a lot today and I think I might have finally figured it out. I am not scared of being denied for the school, I think I am scared that I will be admitted by the school. Hear me out now, I think the fear is coming from being accepted and not being good enough. I mean to fail in something this big and not glorify God is a lot to take on. I know that I will put my best foot forward per say, but what if that is not enough? I know that doubts like this are normal and to be expected, but I still hate having them. I know what I have in my heart to do and what I can do; I know that He knows what I can do because He is with me always. I just can’t stop thinking about not pleasing Him and letting Him down. I will just have to put these thoughts to the back of my head and not worrying about this anymore. I have had this put on my heart and will fulfill His wishes 150%. Thank you for reading and God Bless.

G.E.D.D.

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Awesome Day

What an Awesome Day

          My day did not start off awesome since I was at work from Midnight until 6 in the morning. I knew going home that I had commitments to my wife and daughter today as this was there big day. I also knew that there was some way that I was going to have to get some sleep while keeping these commitments.

          I started the morning off by arriving home at about 06:30 to see my wife already up and making the coffee. All I could think about was laying down, see I had a splitting headache from working all night and looking at the computer screen. I decided to let my wife know that I had a splitting headache and that I was hoping to make it to see her and Anna get baptized at the Church. This is when it was brought to my attention that I was thinking too much about myself.

          See, I was being extremely selfish in this need to go to sleep. This day was not about me but rather it was about the two most important girls in my life. Today was the day that my wife and daughter were dedicating their lives to Christ through baptism, and it was pointed out to me that there was no way that I could not be there for them. Man I am such a dummy to even think about it.

          I did go to sleep like I normally would, except this time I did not take my medication so I could ensure that I woke up with enough time to get up to the Church to support my family. Once I woke up I got in the car and drove to the Church in my most redneck clothing I could find (my pajama’s with black socks). Everyone who saw me could see that I was tired, but all understood why I had to be there. So as I walked in the door I immediately saw my wife and Anna, and the smile that was on their faces because I had made it completely erased any thoughts that I might have had before. I can’t ever even believe that I was going to sleep through this.

          I did leave right after the baptism ceremony and go home take my medication and go to sleep. I believe at one point and time Shannon came in to let me know she was heading back up to the Church for AWANA registration but I don’t remember. What was awesome was that when I did wake up for work my son’s where there. Zachary immediately let me know that I needed to take a shower to get ready for work and that once I was done with that MOM had made catfish and had already packed it for me in the fridge. He continued to remind me to pack my dinner and then reminded me that I had to drop them off at the Church on my way to work for AWANA. Let me tell you, to have my whole family help to get me through this day is what made it so awesome, because in the end I was very tired, but I would not have done it any other way. Thank you and God Bless.

G.E.D.D.

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