Forgiveness

Addiction Equals Forgiveness

            Well I have recently come to a junction in my life where one of the decisions that I have made has severely let someone down whom I love will all my heart. You see in my walk with the Lord I have given up a lot for in order to make myself a better person. One of my main issues that I have is that I have an extremely addictive personality.

            To start it off I started drinking at a very young age and with that came all the other normal things that accompany alcohol at a young age. Tobacco and drugs. There was that moment in time with the drugs that I had done the typical experimentation to see what it felt like. Luckily for me it did not last all that long and has been something that I dropped without a second thought.

            The alcohol was something that I turned to in the past on a regular basis in order to relax myself and drown pain away. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I was ever a knockdown sloppy drunk, but I definitely had what can be clinically described as a drinking problem. There wasn’t really a day that I could go without having a drink or three. At one point in time I was going through bottles of Jack Daniels and Vodka nightly. I usually shrugged this off as not having a drinking problem because I never really got drunk, the issue with that is that is when it is most evident that you do have a problem. Luckily once again for me this was another thing that even after fifteen years of drinking I didn’t have a problem letting go. Sure there are times that I want to have a glass of wine or a beer with dinner, but it’s not something that I act on.

            This brings me to my final and by far most difficult vice to rid myself of. The issue is not that I can’t quit it’s the fact that somewhere in my mind that says I have to do it and no matter who I hurt I am going to do it. That’s the tobacco. I have dipped and I smoked for almost 20 years, the smoking I was able to give up about 2 years ago without any issues or relapses. The dipping on the other hand is a whole new creature. I have quit this habit about 3 times I would say now, and I keep finding myself coming back to do it. This last time after my lap band surgery I even went about 2 months without a dip and had told my wife that I had quit. Then I went back to work where people I work with dip and I gave into the pressure and boredomness and started dipping again. Normally not really a big problem but this time I kept it a secret from my wife, this is definitely the sign of a problem. You see my wife has been nothing but supportive in everything I do, and it is disrespectful and hurtful to be doing this behind her back. Well I finally told her and boy was she disappointed in me. Not so much mad, but hurt and disappointed.

            You see, for me Copenhagen is the devil and it is trying to wiggle its way into my home anyway that it can. This is the one aspect in my life that no matter how hard I cast it out it always seems to come back. As I learned from the story of Adam and Eve this is my down fall and mine alone, I am defiling my family by letting this into my home. It is always easier to look from the outside and tell when people are doing wrong, but it is so hard to see when it is yourself.

            So now I am saying to the devil, enough. Get out of my house and don’t come back. I am not saying that it is going to be easy, there is nothing easy when dealing with addiction. All I can do is look to the Lord and hope to make the right decisions. The right decisions to glorify God and honor my family. I had gotten into a big fight before coming to work with my wife about this and told her I would stop once this rotation was out. Well I just had my last dip and have made the decision to just stop now. So to my wife I say, “I love you and I am sorry with everything that is in me, I promise to do the best that I can to keep this devil out of our lives.” Thank you for reading and God Bless.

Ephesians 5 verses 25, 26, 28, and 31.

(25-26) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.

(28) In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

(31) For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

G.E.D.D.

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Over Joy

Choosing the Right Path

            Ok so I had a wonderful weekend full of family time, swimming, and worship. One of the greatest things I believe that came out of this weekend is my son telling me he wants to know more about God and Christ.

            Our Sunday was our typical day of worship as we prepared for our day. There was only a few differences in this day. One of the differences was that all of our children, not just Gregory my oldest, was going to have to attend their first adult church service. Our church switched their age groups this week to help and reinforce our older children (2^nd Grade and up) in the Word of Christ. Another difference is that our assistant pastor Todd was conducting the service because our pastor was on a much deserved vacation with his beautiful family. The last major difference was that this Sunday was our day of rest, meaning we didn’t have our normal evening outreach projects so we could be ready for the kick off of AWANA next week.

            Well to start it off, the message from our service this week was straight forward, well delivered, and spoke directly to your heart. It was a cry for those who were not saved to come to terms and accept Jesus as their personal savior and ask forgiveness for your sins. I know most people will say, that is the typical goal of most services, but let me tell you from a personal standpoint that I think this did reach out and touch at least one person.

            My 9 year old son Gregory who we had believed to be attending church, not only because we make him, but also to see his friends and get free candy, I believe he has made the choice to follow the path of Christianity and take Church more seriously. What makes me think this you might ask? Well when we got home out of the blue he approached me while I was cleaning the pool and said “Dad I just prayed and asked for God to forgive me of my sins and help me be a better person.” To tell you the truth I had no idea what to say to this. Part of me was just overjoyed inside to think that my son wants to take the leap, the other part of me instantly wanted to question his motives. One thing I learned from the message this weekend was treating the guidance of God and direction that God wants us to go as a Bond and not an option. It might not always be the easy choice, but if we just treat it as something we have to do and not something we have a choice, in the end all will be ok. So I am going on faith that my son was pushed in this direction by the Lord and we are going to support it all the way.

            We will put Gregory in contact with our Church support and family to help him come to the decision that he is being pushed to make. I know how hard this easy decision is, I mean come on it took me almost 37 years to make it, I am just happy that it is not taking him that long. So to God, First Baptist Church Rosepine, Shannon (my wife), Pastor Greg, Brother Todd, Nicole, and all my other family at the Church I say thank you for helping my family. Most of all for my son Gregory I can tell you that this decision will be the most important and best decision of your life, you have a tough journey ahead of you but the support system in place will help you through it. Put your life in God’s hand and do everything in your life to Glorify Him and you will never be led astray. Thank you for reading and God Bless.

G.E.D.D.

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More Decisions

Decisions, Decisions, and More Decisions

          Well the time has come that my wife and I had to take a hard look at our life and decide what we could do to make it a little easier in our lives both spiritually and financially. You see if there is something that I have learned throughout my life and most recently my Journey is that these 2 things actually go hand in hand. Most couples in life that you see are financially straight and well off have a better overall spiritually strong relationship. I know that should not be the case, but in this day and age that is just the way it is. So we have decided to take a look at the things we have and start to downsize and determine the difference between what we want, and what we actually need. That transformation began yesterday with the purchase of a new car.

          I know you look at this and say; well if you are trying to downsize why would you buy a new car? Well I can answer that for you. First off my wife and I already had 2 cars. We were financing a 2009 Mini Van and a 2003 Suburban. We love both cars because of the size and fact that each one could carry our family as a whole when they are in town. What we had to look at is this really a necessity and if not what could we do to save a little bit of money. Well as far as if it was a necessity we realized it truly wasn’t. The van gets about 23 MPG and the Suburban gets roughly 16 if I am lucky. So ATM with the price of gas and the location of my work, I find myself spending about 100 dollars if not more a week to get back and forth to work in the Suburban, sure it would have been a little cheaper if I had driven the van, but not much and anyhow I like the cool guy car. What I truly needed to realize is that it is not always about being cool you know. It should always be about what is best for my family not my own personal pride. Of the two vehicles we have the van has the higher monthly payment and money owed, not to mention it only fits 7 and when my kids and all are here we need more space.

          So the first step in our downsizing was for me to go and trade the van in for a sedan that gets better gas mileage. So we prayed on this and yesterday I finally did it, and I believe we have made a good cost effective decision. So I went down to the dealership (which I hate to do) and started the process. I got pretty lucky, we knew going in we were upside down on the van but not by a lot. My wife had blue booked the van so we had a baseline of how much it was worth. Well the dealership gave me 18k for the van on trade in and started showing me some sedans. Our idea was to get a good used car but if you know me you already know what happened. Before I knew it they had a 2012 Nissan Altima in front of me, now I knew that the monthly payment on this was going to be right at or below what we pay on the van and that was my goal, not to go up in monthly payment but to save on gas. Well the Altima gets between 32 and 40 MPG so that was a plus. Then I got just about 3K in rebates off the vehicle and they dropped the sticker by a grand, so that just ate up my negative equity in the van so I believe the praying helped out. In addition we got our GAP insurance, 100,000 mile bumper to bumper warranty, and a year of free oil changes thrown in on the deal. So in the end, we are paying the same as we paid for the van a month, and if we have done our numbers correctly I should save about 300 dollars a month on gas alone with this purchase which will definitely help out.

          I credit all this success to God. My wife and I have put all of our decisions in God’s hand. We now pray about everything that we do and follow the guidance that is put in our heart by the Lord. He will always provide for us, that is something that we whole heartedly believe in. There is never going to be just a snap decision that we make again. We will continue to seek out His guidance and help and do everything that we do to glorify Him.

The Bible says “Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house, your sons like young olive trees around your table. In this very way, the man who fears the Lord will be blessed. May the Lord bless you from Zion, so that you will see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life and will see your children’s children!” Psalm 128:3-6

Even though this is our first step in downsizing I know it is one in the right direction. As long as we keep our faith in the Lord we can never be led astray. I love God, my family, and all my brothers and sisters. Thank you and God Bless.

G.E.D.D.

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