Addiction

A Week to Test Resolve

            Ok so this week has been one that I have decided to test my resolve and ask the Lord for a lot, and I mean a lot of support. I have also asked my wife to be patient and supportive of the decision that I had made on Monday since she is my main support line. I have also looked inside myself to make sure that I would have the courage and strength to make it through the decision I made.

            This weekend I had talked to a few people at Church to include my pastor and had been throwing around the idea of stopping taking my pain medication that I have been on for almost 2 years now. Now mind you, this decision does not come easy. I know that the medication that I have been taking is not just something that you are supposed to be able to quit with no consequences. For one the pain is going to come back in my hips and back and that is not something that I am looking forward to. In addition the drug I have been on is Percocet which is a synthetic Opiate which main ingredient is Oxycodone. I already knew from personal experience when I had run out before that you do experience DT and withdraw symptoms like you would when an alcoholic or heroine user does when they stop using. My wife was extremely apprehensive when I told her on Monday that I was stopping taking the medication. There was no further I could wean myself off since I was already taking the lowest dose that I was able to go so it was time to just stop taking it.

            Well day 1 wasn’t so bad. True that the pain had started to come back, but thanks to my wife keeping me busy with painting the house most of the day, it wasn’t something that I noticed until later on in the day. I didn’t have any tremors or sweats to speak of so that was also good, and I was in an overall good mood. I only had to take one nap for about an hour throughout the day when I started feeling not so good.

            Day 2 started off a little rocky. I woke up groggy and really stiff with a lot of pain in my hips and back. I took a couple Tylenol and my Cymbalta which helps with the pain by blocking the nerve receptors and started about my day. I could feel the difference today though because I had no energy and I wasn’t really with it. I did experience a point today in which I had to go and lay down for about 4 hours and I started to get the sweats and really didn’t feel well, but with the support of Shannon and through prayers I was able to wake up from the nap feeling pretty good and going the rest of the night without incident. My wife did make a trip to the store to get some Aleve to counter some of the arthritic pain that I am feeling and I believe this helped out as well.

            Day 3 has started off pretty good. This is where I was a total mess last time and couldn’t take it anymore. Not so much pain so far this morning and I am feeling pretty good. As pastor Greg had told me, it might be bad on day 2 or 3 but what if you push on, what would day 4, 5, and 6 bring. I will endure whatever is to come and I will find out. I think that if I can make it through today then I should be home free with no issues. This will be one of the many addictions in my life that I have let go since I have accepted Christ and to me this is one of the most important ones to let go from my life. Living on painkillers is no way to live. The dependency that you have to them is really life wrecking and also helps to destroy your body which is definitely something I do not need. So for all those that have known me, I am now free of Alcohol, Harmful Video Games, and the Percocet. So look out world here comes a new me. Thank you for reading and God Bless.

G.E.D.D.

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Family Time

Hooray for Family Time

            Well for the last few weeks I have been working 12

hours shifts 7 days a week from 6pm-6am. What did this

mean to me? No family time at all, and this was just

something that I was not very happy about. Over the last few

months I have taken notice to just how important my family

time was to me, and to work those long hours and not really

be able to see my family was killing me.

            My family consists not only of my wife and children,

whom I love with all my heart, but that family also

encompasses my church family whom I look forward to

seeing throughout the week at services. I always make the

comment on Wednesday's or Sunday's to my kids that it is

time to go do some Jesus loving when we wake up for the

day. It really broke me down not to be able to attend any

services for the last couple weeks.

            Wednesday of this week was the first service I had

attended since rotation ending and I can tell you I feel

spiritually right again with the world. I wake up more refreshed

 and ready to go. I try not to start arguments with my wife, and

 do everything to have more patience with the kids, which is

very hard to do since I have started helping out with the

teaching aspect of our household this week. What I can say is

 that when I am not worshipping my God in His house I can

definitely feel the emotional and spiritual strain that is put on

me.

            Through all this though I know that He does love me

and look out for my family and myself and continue to guide

us even if I can't attend a service. I received word yesterday

that I had been accepted into Liberty University in the

Religion Studies course that I wanted and prayed about, my

oldest son seems to be coming around on the subject of

Christ and received his bible this week thanks to our friends

 the Ogle's, and my wife seems to love me more each day.

Next week we will begin to incorporate a bible study that goes

 along with the AWANA program that our children are in into

our daily studies so they are being flooded with the word of

God. My goal is to give my whole family to Him, which I have

already done, but now it is time to reinforce my children in the

knowledge of who God is and why he is the most important

 person in the universe. Thank you for reading and God Bless

G.E.D.D.

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What a Week

What a Week

            I have been thinking and praying over what I was going to write for the last couple days. The week started off really good as it always has. I had the nervousness and anticipation on my application to seminary school and the concern about my wife and our homeschooling adventure.

            Well as you read this week, come Wednesday I had initially heard back from the school telling me that I had not known my pastor long enough for his reference to be taken into account for my admission. I talked to Pastor Greg and he gave a call to the admissions board at the school where he was notified that they would contact me with further instructions. Well those further instructions were that I had not been a Christian for at least a year therefore I did not meet the admission criteria. That really crushed my hopes for a brief time and I had actually thought about writing out this long essay to the school board trying to fight my case, but it was going to be an argumentative type essay. My wife reminded me that my actions would have been of the FLESH and not from the heart and not glorifying to GOD. To strengthen this my pastor had sent me a message that helped to reinforce this standpoint, so I held off on sending the essay. Boy am I glad I did, instead of writing an essay I did some research on the internet and found another College that will accept me with the same curriculum that I was looking at with Moody. So right now I am just waiting on a response from their admissions board, but I have faith that this will completely work out.

            Another one of our issues this week was the lack of resources for the path that we had chosen to home school our children. It was quickly brought to our attention that having only one computer in the house was just not going to work, our daughter needs constant supervision while she is doing the work on the computer. I started to look at computers on line and was ready to put another bill on the table when my wife notified me that our biggest supporter had come through again. We were given a gift of love from my mother-in-law in the form of a brand new computer, which will make the whole prospect of homeschooling much easier on my wife and myself. This just once again proves that if you put everything on the alter and let your decisions be guided by God everything will work out. For myself, I find that I am doing this more often, there is hardly a decision that I make where I don’t pray on it long and hard first. Prayer is such an easy thing to do that many people just don’t make time for, this I can’t understand. Thank you for reading, and God Bless.

G.E.D.D.

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Challenges

Challenges, Roadblocks, and Faith

          Well today was a challenging day for my whole family which included a few roadblocks requiring us to have trust in our faith to make sure that everything turns out ok.

          To start off today was the first day of school for my kids whom we are homeschooling this year. This is not something that is just new to my wife, but also new to myself and my children as well. What makes this even worse is that we did not really receive a timeline from the home school people telling us the best way to do it so my poor wife is kind of winging the whole thing. In addition our first road block surfaced when we realized that my daughter was going to need almost constant instruction on the computer, of which we only have one in the house, and that we were going to have to find a way to get a second computer into the house to help her out. I have complete faith and trust that my wife is going to get this straightened out and fall into a rhythm that the kids will be able to flow with. The kids on the other hand, are having a hard time distinguishing between mom the teacher and mom the parent. This is something that we as a family will have to work at, I will be off my night shifts next week and will be able to help out a little more to relieve my wife of some of the stress.

          Roadblock two came once I woke up this afternoon. I knew while applying for seminary that it already wasn’t going to be an easy path to follow, but I have ran into an obstacle right off the bat. Even though my pastor wrote a great reference for me it was addressed by the admissions board today that I have to know my pastor for at least a year for the reference to be accepted. For me this was extremely disheartening and reflected in the way that I talked to my wife. She was trying to tell me about her troubles for the day and I was very abrupt with her and made her feel bad. I should not project the way that I am feeling on to my family. This is just something that I want to do so bad, and I was just trying to rack my brain and figure out who I could contact for the Pastoral reference letter. This is something that I am still trying to figure out now, but I have come to the realization that this is just another test for me to pass, it is also a avenue to bring back relationships that I have let fall to the side due to lack of contact. I now have the chance to track down my old Chaplain that I served in Iraq with, it might prove to be impossible to contact him, but I will give it my best attempt. I am also going to send an email to the admissions board explaining that there is only one other person of the clergy that I have known other that Pastor Gregg and that due to military moves you tend to not keep in contact. I would hate to have this be the reason I am not admitted into school. I will keep my faith strong though and pray for guidance. Thank you for reading and God Bless.

G.E.D.D

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Fear

Fear is Natural

          To start of my week I have noticed that I am a little apprehensive, nervous, and fearful and I believe I know why. I think I know why I am apprehensive and nervous, I should be hearing from the school on whether or not my application was approved for seminary school. I mean when you want something this bad and its all you can think about, you will be nervous when waiting for the answer.

          What I have been thinking about is why I am scared. I know what fear is, see I have been scared plenty in my life. Through my tours in the military to Iraq I felt fear on an almost daily basis. There was an unwritten rule in Iraq, it was stupid and presumptuous to not have fear in your heart when going out on patrol in a war environment and it could get you killed. What I am unable to figure out is why I am scared about the decision from the school. I know that whatever the school says is meant to be because it is what God wants for me; so why am I scared of the decision?

          I have been thinking about this a lot today and I think I might have finally figured it out. I am not scared of being denied for the school, I think I am scared that I will be admitted by the school. Hear me out now, I think the fear is coming from being accepted and not being good enough. I mean to fail in something this big and not glorify God is a lot to take on. I know that I will put my best foot forward per say, but what if that is not enough? I know that doubts like this are normal and to be expected, but I still hate having them. I know what I have in my heart to do and what I can do; I know that He knows what I can do because He is with me always. I just can’t stop thinking about not pleasing Him and letting Him down. I will just have to put these thoughts to the back of my head and not worrying about this anymore. I have had this put on my heart and will fulfill His wishes 150%. Thank you for reading and God Bless.

G.E.D.D.

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Awesome Day

What an Awesome Day

          My day did not start off awesome since I was at work from Midnight until 6 in the morning. I knew going home that I had commitments to my wife and daughter today as this was there big day. I also knew that there was some way that I was going to have to get some sleep while keeping these commitments.

          I started the morning off by arriving home at about 06:30 to see my wife already up and making the coffee. All I could think about was laying down, see I had a splitting headache from working all night and looking at the computer screen. I decided to let my wife know that I had a splitting headache and that I was hoping to make it to see her and Anna get baptized at the Church. This is when it was brought to my attention that I was thinking too much about myself.

          See, I was being extremely selfish in this need to go to sleep. This day was not about me but rather it was about the two most important girls in my life. Today was the day that my wife and daughter were dedicating their lives to Christ through baptism, and it was pointed out to me that there was no way that I could not be there for them. Man I am such a dummy to even think about it.

          I did go to sleep like I normally would, except this time I did not take my medication so I could ensure that I woke up with enough time to get up to the Church to support my family. Once I woke up I got in the car and drove to the Church in my most redneck clothing I could find (my pajama’s with black socks). Everyone who saw me could see that I was tired, but all understood why I had to be there. So as I walked in the door I immediately saw my wife and Anna, and the smile that was on their faces because I had made it completely erased any thoughts that I might have had before. I can’t ever even believe that I was going to sleep through this.

          I did leave right after the baptism ceremony and go home take my medication and go to sleep. I believe at one point and time Shannon came in to let me know she was heading back up to the Church for AWANA registration but I don’t remember. What was awesome was that when I did wake up for work my son’s where there. Zachary immediately let me know that I needed to take a shower to get ready for work and that once I was done with that MOM had made catfish and had already packed it for me in the fridge. He continued to remind me to pack my dinner and then reminded me that I had to drop them off at the Church on my way to work for AWANA. Let me tell you, to have my whole family help to get me through this day is what made it so awesome, because in the end I was very tired, but I would not have done it any other way. Thank you and God Bless.

G.E.D.D.

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Good Things

Great Things

          Well this weekend promises to be another great weekend to wrap up an awesome week. The only downfall to this week so far is the fact that I had to work the Graveyard shift for the rotation. The rewards from the week though will definitely pay for everything in the end though.

            As you have been reading so far, I have turned in my application for seminary school and I am just waiting on the answer. Although it is nerve wrecking, it is also exciting. My mother and my father’s birthday were this week which is awesome because that means another year they made it on this earth. My wife has been invited into the leadership of the church to take over the media (web based) side of the house, which we could not be happier about. So far I have not even gone through a half tank of gas on the new car which means that we are saving money as we had planned, the pool is clean which means the kids get to swim when they want, and my love for God and my family is stronger than ever.

            Now we come to the weekend and there are some just awesome things happening. Today we have our meeting for AWANA’s which kicks off this Sunday. My wife and I are so excited because we will be helping out with AWANA’s this year. It will be my first chance to influence not just my children but other children and help to educate and strengthen their relationships with God.

            Last but most definitely not least, I will get the opportunity to witness two more members of my family dedicate their life to God through baptism. That’s right folks, even though I am working all night I would not miss the chance to watch my beautiful wife and daughter get baptized on Sunday. I am so proud of not only Anna but Shannon as well, I dedicated not only myself to God but have also trusted Him with my family and let me tell you He is definitely guiding us and working in our lives. I have no idea why I waited so long to do this but I would not have it any other way. We as a family have never been as strong as we are now and that wouldn’t be possible without the LOVE of Christ in our lives. If you have not accepted Christ as your savior and asked forgiveness for your sins, I urge you to take a look at me, I have never been happier in my whole life. The LOVE of Christ is the best feeling in the world. It will change your life without a doubt. It has taught me to love those whom I hated and to LOVE those close to me even more. Just think about it. God Bless and thank you for reading.

G.E.D.D.

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Waiting

Waiting is Nerve Wrecking

            Well as the title says, waiting on an answer for something you want to do is extremely nerve wrecking. This week I completed the process of submitting my application for Seminary school through Moody Bible Institute, and now I am just waiting on the response from the school. Unlike most schools who will accept you just to get your money, this one actually has an approval process.

            The application alone was a little nerve wrecking because I was providing some fairly personal information to people I have never and will probably never meet. I had to answer questions not only about myself, but also about my wife and her previous marriage. For me that was a little weird, but I guess I understand why. When you make the decision to serve God in the way that I feel I am being led to serve, I have to stand for all mine and my family’s decisions. I am pretty sure though that my application portion was solid.

            Then of course is the transcript process of the application. This was a fairly easy process for me to complete. I am now just hoping that most of my classes that I have taken this far will transfer over to my new school, that would help to focus my studies in Word instead of core classes, which is what I am looking forward to.

            The last portion of the application and probably the one I am most worried about is the personal reference portion from my pastor. I am not worried because I think my pastor would say anything bad about me, but the process says that my pastor should know me for at least a year. Well there is no pastor that I have ever known for a year, but Pastor Greg is the only pastor that has truly had the chance to get to know me both personally and spiritually. I am hoping that my strength and dedication to my faith and my love for God will reflect and give strength to my application. Although my pastor did send me a message telling me that as long as the admissions team didn’t read his reference letter I should be good for the school. HAHAHA didn’t think I would throw that out there did you Greg. Nah I am just kidding, I have complete trust and faith in my pastor, and if he doesn’t think I am ready then I would respect that no matter what.

            So now comes the hardest part of the whole process, the waiting. I was told that once the school gets all the required documents I should have an answer within a week of yes or no on the admission. I am putting all my faith in the Lord to guide this answer and will respect whatever answer is given to me. You see I look at it this way, I feel that this is something that the Lord has put on my heart to pursue therefore the answer will be a yes. If this is something that I am being led to do for myself and not for God then the answer will be no. I will say this though, even if the answer is no, that does not mean I will give up. I will just study harder, pray harder, and seek more spiritual guidance until I fulfill this thing that has been put on my heart. For those who know me would all know that 6 months ago I would not have even thought about going into ministry. Thank you and God Bless.

G.E.D.D.

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Dont Forget

Don’t Forget

            I am going a little off of topic tonight and going away from my walk with the Lord in a way. I have had something that has been laid on my heart these last few weeks and I think it is time to address. As Americans we tend to take a lot of things for granted. One of the things we take for granted I believe is our freedom and those who protect us and ensure that freedom.

            As most know I was a Soldier for 13 years and served in the US Army as an Infantryman. I have been deployed 2 times in support of Iraqi Freedom. Through both of my tours I saw a lot of death of the insurgents, as well as a lot of younger Soldiers and great men die serving their country. Even though our country likes to pretend like they care, I start to get the feeling that it is not truly sincere. Take a look at just a few of the recent news headlines nowadays.

            One that is truly a travesty is the argument on Capitol Hill right now about retirement benefits for those who served in the military. If you have any Facebook friends that are in the military you have probably seen this post over the last few days.

            I took a job knowing I would never get rich. I've missed out on holidays & spent them working. If I got a "bonus" it would be investigated. I may have to lay down my life or take one. My life expectancy is shorter than yours because of the stress. But yet, you think I'm overpaid & not deserving of a pension or Health Care Benefits?

          Or this one.

          Military retirement is not a Entitlement, it was earned! The benefits aren't some kind of charity or handout! Congressional benefits = free health care, outrageous retirement packages, 67 paid holidays, 3 weeks paid vacation, unlimited paid sick days - now THAT'S welfare. And Congress has the nerve to call a Military retirement an Entitlement?

          I mean come on now really, military retirement is a benefit of going into the military. There are not many benefits other than the health care and retirement for going into the military. For those who spend most of their adult lives in the military protecting the country, get out at about the age of 40-50. Why do we want to take their retirement from them? It is truly depressing, as Soldiers you are asked to make some of the most difficult decisions of your life and then live with it. Put yourself in the shoes of a 17 year old private whose parents signed off on them going into the service. So you enter the military and go through basic training, that is just the first shocking step to your new life as a Soldier. In this day of the military while our country is at war, normally the second step is to be sent to your new unit which is probably ramping up to deploy into country. Shock number 2. Then you get into country and are told your ROE or rules of engagement, in which you realize that when you do have to pull the trigger you have more decisions and consequences that you thought. There are some places in country where you are not even allowed fire on the enemy unless they shoot at you first, think about that you have to wait to be shot at and hope the person misses before you can return fire. At 17 that is something to really take in and still be able to control yourself. God forgive you if you have to actually take a human life, even though it is something you are trained to do from day one of entering into service, once you actually do it boy it changes your life. That is when the secondary consequences start to emerge, you know the not sleeping cause you don’t want to have nightmares, the jumping at every loud noise you hear, the fact that you won’t go into large crowded areas and feel safe anymore, and a plethora of other issues. Yet health care and retirement should be reduced for our Soldiers, REALLY!!!.

            I know this sounds like I am ranting and I probably am, the wonderful thing is that I am doing this without cursing and swearing. I just pray that all Americans understand the consequences of not respecting the people that VOLUNTEER to enter the service and give their lives for their country and removing their retirement benefits. I mean think about it, would you enter a job knowing your retirement benefits are horrible, what will that do to our future Armed Forces. Thank you for reading and God Bless.

G.E.D.D.

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Forgiveness

Addiction Equals Forgiveness

            Well I have recently come to a junction in my life where one of the decisions that I have made has severely let someone down whom I love will all my heart. You see in my walk with the Lord I have given up a lot for in order to make myself a better person. One of my main issues that I have is that I have an extremely addictive personality.

            To start it off I started drinking at a very young age and with that came all the other normal things that accompany alcohol at a young age. Tobacco and drugs. There was that moment in time with the drugs that I had done the typical experimentation to see what it felt like. Luckily for me it did not last all that long and has been something that I dropped without a second thought.

            The alcohol was something that I turned to in the past on a regular basis in order to relax myself and drown pain away. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I was ever a knockdown sloppy drunk, but I definitely had what can be clinically described as a drinking problem. There wasn’t really a day that I could go without having a drink or three. At one point in time I was going through bottles of Jack Daniels and Vodka nightly. I usually shrugged this off as not having a drinking problem because I never really got drunk, the issue with that is that is when it is most evident that you do have a problem. Luckily once again for me this was another thing that even after fifteen years of drinking I didn’t have a problem letting go. Sure there are times that I want to have a glass of wine or a beer with dinner, but it’s not something that I act on.

            This brings me to my final and by far most difficult vice to rid myself of. The issue is not that I can’t quit it’s the fact that somewhere in my mind that says I have to do it and no matter who I hurt I am going to do it. That’s the tobacco. I have dipped and I smoked for almost 20 years, the smoking I was able to give up about 2 years ago without any issues or relapses. The dipping on the other hand is a whole new creature. I have quit this habit about 3 times I would say now, and I keep finding myself coming back to do it. This last time after my lap band surgery I even went about 2 months without a dip and had told my wife that I had quit. Then I went back to work where people I work with dip and I gave into the pressure and boredomness and started dipping again. Normally not really a big problem but this time I kept it a secret from my wife, this is definitely the sign of a problem. You see my wife has been nothing but supportive in everything I do, and it is disrespectful and hurtful to be doing this behind her back. Well I finally told her and boy was she disappointed in me. Not so much mad, but hurt and disappointed.

            You see, for me Copenhagen is the devil and it is trying to wiggle its way into my home anyway that it can. This is the one aspect in my life that no matter how hard I cast it out it always seems to come back. As I learned from the story of Adam and Eve this is my down fall and mine alone, I am defiling my family by letting this into my home. It is always easier to look from the outside and tell when people are doing wrong, but it is so hard to see when it is yourself.

            So now I am saying to the devil, enough. Get out of my house and don’t come back. I am not saying that it is going to be easy, there is nothing easy when dealing with addiction. All I can do is look to the Lord and hope to make the right decisions. The right decisions to glorify God and honor my family. I had gotten into a big fight before coming to work with my wife about this and told her I would stop once this rotation was out. Well I just had my last dip and have made the decision to just stop now. So to my wife I say, “I love you and I am sorry with everything that is in me, I promise to do the best that I can to keep this devil out of our lives.” Thank you for reading and God Bless.

Ephesians 5 verses 25, 26, 28, and 31.

(25-26) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word.

(28) In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

(31) For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

G.E.D.D.

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Over Joy

Choosing the Right Path

            Ok so I had a wonderful weekend full of family time, swimming, and worship. One of the greatest things I believe that came out of this weekend is my son telling me he wants to know more about God and Christ.

            Our Sunday was our typical day of worship as we prepared for our day. There was only a few differences in this day. One of the differences was that all of our children, not just Gregory my oldest, was going to have to attend their first adult church service. Our church switched their age groups this week to help and reinforce our older children (2^nd Grade and up) in the Word of Christ. Another difference is that our assistant pastor Todd was conducting the service because our pastor was on a much deserved vacation with his beautiful family. The last major difference was that this Sunday was our day of rest, meaning we didn’t have our normal evening outreach projects so we could be ready for the kick off of AWANA next week.

            Well to start it off, the message from our service this week was straight forward, well delivered, and spoke directly to your heart. It was a cry for those who were not saved to come to terms and accept Jesus as their personal savior and ask forgiveness for your sins. I know most people will say, that is the typical goal of most services, but let me tell you from a personal standpoint that I think this did reach out and touch at least one person.

            My 9 year old son Gregory who we had believed to be attending church, not only because we make him, but also to see his friends and get free candy, I believe he has made the choice to follow the path of Christianity and take Church more seriously. What makes me think this you might ask? Well when we got home out of the blue he approached me while I was cleaning the pool and said “Dad I just prayed and asked for God to forgive me of my sins and help me be a better person.” To tell you the truth I had no idea what to say to this. Part of me was just overjoyed inside to think that my son wants to take the leap, the other part of me instantly wanted to question his motives. One thing I learned from the message this weekend was treating the guidance of God and direction that God wants us to go as a Bond and not an option. It might not always be the easy choice, but if we just treat it as something we have to do and not something we have a choice, in the end all will be ok. So I am going on faith that my son was pushed in this direction by the Lord and we are going to support it all the way.

            We will put Gregory in contact with our Church support and family to help him come to the decision that he is being pushed to make. I know how hard this easy decision is, I mean come on it took me almost 37 years to make it, I am just happy that it is not taking him that long. So to God, First Baptist Church Rosepine, Shannon (my wife), Pastor Greg, Brother Todd, Nicole, and all my other family at the Church I say thank you for helping my family. Most of all for my son Gregory I can tell you that this decision will be the most important and best decision of your life, you have a tough journey ahead of you but the support system in place will help you through it. Put your life in God’s hand and do everything in your life to Glorify Him and you will never be led astray. Thank you for reading and God Bless.

G.E.D.D.

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More Decisions

Decisions, Decisions, and More Decisions

          Well the time has come that my wife and I had to take a hard look at our life and decide what we could do to make it a little easier in our lives both spiritually and financially. You see if there is something that I have learned throughout my life and most recently my Journey is that these 2 things actually go hand in hand. Most couples in life that you see are financially straight and well off have a better overall spiritually strong relationship. I know that should not be the case, but in this day and age that is just the way it is. So we have decided to take a look at the things we have and start to downsize and determine the difference between what we want, and what we actually need. That transformation began yesterday with the purchase of a new car.

          I know you look at this and say; well if you are trying to downsize why would you buy a new car? Well I can answer that for you. First off my wife and I already had 2 cars. We were financing a 2009 Mini Van and a 2003 Suburban. We love both cars because of the size and fact that each one could carry our family as a whole when they are in town. What we had to look at is this really a necessity and if not what could we do to save a little bit of money. Well as far as if it was a necessity we realized it truly wasn’t. The van gets about 23 MPG and the Suburban gets roughly 16 if I am lucky. So ATM with the price of gas and the location of my work, I find myself spending about 100 dollars if not more a week to get back and forth to work in the Suburban, sure it would have been a little cheaper if I had driven the van, but not much and anyhow I like the cool guy car. What I truly needed to realize is that it is not always about being cool you know. It should always be about what is best for my family not my own personal pride. Of the two vehicles we have the van has the higher monthly payment and money owed, not to mention it only fits 7 and when my kids and all are here we need more space.

          So the first step in our downsizing was for me to go and trade the van in for a sedan that gets better gas mileage. So we prayed on this and yesterday I finally did it, and I believe we have made a good cost effective decision. So I went down to the dealership (which I hate to do) and started the process. I got pretty lucky, we knew going in we were upside down on the van but not by a lot. My wife had blue booked the van so we had a baseline of how much it was worth. Well the dealership gave me 18k for the van on trade in and started showing me some sedans. Our idea was to get a good used car but if you know me you already know what happened. Before I knew it they had a 2012 Nissan Altima in front of me, now I knew that the monthly payment on this was going to be right at or below what we pay on the van and that was my goal, not to go up in monthly payment but to save on gas. Well the Altima gets between 32 and 40 MPG so that was a plus. Then I got just about 3K in rebates off the vehicle and they dropped the sticker by a grand, so that just ate up my negative equity in the van so I believe the praying helped out. In addition we got our GAP insurance, 100,000 mile bumper to bumper warranty, and a year of free oil changes thrown in on the deal. So in the end, we are paying the same as we paid for the van a month, and if we have done our numbers correctly I should save about 300 dollars a month on gas alone with this purchase which will definitely help out.

          I credit all this success to God. My wife and I have put all of our decisions in God’s hand. We now pray about everything that we do and follow the guidance that is put in our heart by the Lord. He will always provide for us, that is something that we whole heartedly believe in. There is never going to be just a snap decision that we make again. We will continue to seek out His guidance and help and do everything that we do to glorify Him.

The Bible says “Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house, your sons like young olive trees around your table. In this very way, the man who fears the Lord will be blessed. May the Lord bless you from Zion, so that you will see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life and will see your children’s children!” Psalm 128:3-6

Even though this is our first step in downsizing I know it is one in the right direction. As long as we keep our faith in the Lord we can never be led astray. I love God, my family, and all my brothers and sisters. Thank you and God Bless.

G.E.D.D.

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The Decision

The Decision

            This is sort of a continuation from my last blog. It is mainly confirming the path that has been laid down in front of me. I had time to go home and talk to my wife and pray over the matter a little more. In addition I was able to attend another Bible study at my Church and talk to Pastor Greg. Everything I have talked about, prayed about, and have received answers for are all leading to the same answer. Go for it.

            I understand that the decision to change my schooling focus to Ministry is not one to be taken lightly. I also understand that it is not a career field that you go into for monetary glory or fame. My wife had asked me when I talked to her about this; do you know in your heart that when all is said and done, that this decision will be able to take care of the family not only spiritually but also financially? I can answer without a shadow of a doubt yes. I know in my heart that this decision is coming from a higher power, and as long as I am doing what the Lord is guiding me to do, then in the end all will be taken care of. As I learned last night going through our Bible study is that as long as I am pursuing LOVE everything else will fall into place. I might not understand that why at 37 years of age God has all of a sudden put this path in front of me, but it is my duty to follow that path even though I might not understand it. As long as I follow this path and put my faith in the Lord, nothing can go wrong.

            I already know that I am asking the world from my family. First off from my wife and children, I am asking them to support my decision in this journey. We will have tons of life changes in our household, all of which will help to strengthen our family as a whole. Secondly I am asking my parents, who did not raise me in a religious environment, to trust that I am doing the right thing and to believe in me. What is funny about parents is that no matter how old you get they always believe in you and will support you. Lastly I am asking my friends to trust and respect my decision to follow this path. In the end, if they don’t they are not the friends that I should have. I have recently reevaluated all of my relationships and have severed the ones that do not bring me closer to God. The friendships that I had that were destructive and not constructive are now out of my life. I only have a select few of my friends in the military that I still associate with, and those that I do are solid and reciprocate the love that I have for them. As far as my other friends, well that is simple, they are my Church family and as such are more than friends they are family, and I know they will support me.

            I know that this journey is going to test me all the way through, going to work full time and school full time simultaneously is not an easy feat. I know that I will be successful in this because it is what God wants me to do and God would not send me on a mission to fail. It is completely up to me to commit myself 150% to this endeavor and that is exactly what I will be doing. Please pray for me in this journey because I will be praying everyday about this. Thank you for taking the time to read and God bless.

G.E.D.D.

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Where Am I Headed

Something Is Calling

            Ok so for the last few weeks I have noticed that something is calling me to serve the Lord in a way that I never thought I would or could even fathom doing. When I attended my CONNECT class at Church we had gone over the GIFTS that we are all blessed with. For me the Gifts that jumped out at me immediately where Teaching and Knowledge. I had expressed this to my wife and basically we decided to take a step back and pray and see what might develop. Well I think that something spiritually is starting to finish that development and I will explain some of those things below.

            First off I have a passion for teaching. As a Non Commissioned Officer in the US Army it was one of my main duties to teach, mentor, and develop the young Soldiers under my control and in my Units. This is something that I thoroughly loved to do and one of the things that I miss the most about being retired. I don’t really have anyone to teach and mentor to anymore. I understand that teaching the Word is a completely different idea that teaching or training a Soldier, but it still is something that I definitely have a passion for. I have been working towards my degree in Homeland Security for a couple years now but the passion isn’t truly there for me to learn that subject so I kind of put my education on hold.

            Secondly, some changes to the MGIB have recently come to fruition finally that will allow me to attend school full time and still work full time. This is something that had never been a possibility before under the old GI Bills making it very hard for a Veteran to support a family while going to school full time. This change would allow for me to attend full time on-line courses and get paid a monthly housing allowance at a reduced rate, which would reduce some of the financial burden of attending school while working.

            Lastly my Love for Jesus and the Word are growing everyday and that thirst for knowledge (even though I know it will never be quenched in my lifetime) for the Word of God and Christ is something that is consuming me in a good way. I find myself wanting to know more every single day that I wake up. I always look forward to attend Church to see what we are going to talk about and learn about, I am volunteering to help with our young children’s worship, and I can’t wait for our AWANA club to kick off so I can be a part of that also.

            All in all, I feel something tugging at me to change my educational focus. To drop the school that I am currently enrolled in and change my major from Homeland Security to a Religious field. What I have been presented with yesterday and today alone has been guiding me to make this change. The one thing that I know that I am going to have to do is just dive in head first and at full speed. Not just take a class or two to see if I like it. This will take a 100 percent commitment which to be honest, is nothing less than it would deserve. I should be willing to give God 150% of myself which I am completely willing to do because I have this burning inside that won’t subside.

            So where does that leave me? I am currently waiting on a response from Moody online seminary school to let me know if they accept the GI Bill. If that is the case watch out world here I come. I will start my new journey into College as a student of God pursuing a B.S Degree in Ministry Leadership with a Focus in Preaching. This is not something that I hope comes to fruition; this is something I know will come to be. I know in my heart and soul that this is where I am being guided and I know it will only continue to strengthen my bond with God and Christ. Thank you for reading and God Bless.

G.E.D.D

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Jesus Freak

Jesus Freak Weekend

                Well let me tell you, this weekend was definitely a weekend that defined me as a Jesus Freak. All weekend was dedicated to worship, fellowship, and loving Jesus. What is so awesome about this is that at the end of the weekend, I am spiritually fulfilled and ready to face the new week.

                Saturday- This day began as all do. I woke up, read my passage from the bible, said my daily prayer to god, had my coffee, and then headed out the door to go and meet my brothers in Christ for our day of fellowship. What was awesome and funny about this, our day of fellowship was connecting with each other and Jesus the redneck way, on 4 wheelers driving around just having a good time and extending our love to others we came across. I can’t remember a time in the last 20 years where I had so much fun and it didn’t involve alcohol, drugs, and complete recklessness. Alcohol had run my life pretty much, I mean if I was going to an event no matter what it was, I was convinced that if there wasn’t beer there it wasn’t going to be a good time. Well I could not have been proven more wrong. During this fellowship ride, which easily 6 months ago I would have not attended something like this without drinking beer and acting crazy, I found out that You Can have fun without alcohol and just enjoy being a guy sober. I wish this feeling can pass on to others and the younger generations. We spent the entire day driving around through mud, laughing, and helping others out who had gotten themselves into some Muddy situations. I think the most amazing thing about all this, is that we were probably the only ones not loading our systems with alcohol, but we were also probably the ones having the most fun because we were consumed in the Glory of Christ and doing God’s work. I can’t even begin to tell you how many people we had come across and just offered our help when they needed it. There was one group in particular that we continually came across at every turn and almost every time we ran into them we were helping to get them out of some serious mud. What makes this so great, I don’t even think at anytime they realized we were Jesus Freaks. I mean they definitely noticed we were not drinking and acting a fool, but I don’t believe they ever made the connection. One instance in particular that touched my heart was when we were washing off the 4 wheelers to head back out, one younger kid had asked us if his cell phone was where he left it because he was worried someone had taken it. Well after he left Chris noticed the kid had left his phone so I picked it up and took it over to where he had driven and gave it back to him. The thankfulness and surprise that you were able to see on this kids face was priceless, and then to hear him ask for me to forgive him for being so irresponsible and then thank me for bringing it to him, I mean really do people not do this anymore. I don’t know. What I can say is thank you to Van, Shane, Chris L., Chris M., Jeff, Brian, Lee, and his kids for an extremely wonderful Jesus loving experience.

                Sunday- Once again, by far and without a doubt my favorite day of the week. Woke up, read my scripture and did my daily prayer, and got ready to head to Church to do some more Jesus loving. Was able to attend an incredible service conducted by Pastor Greg in where we saw 3 individuals come to Christ and 1 other join the Church. Really hit the subject of reaching out to people with the Word of God and what that means. It Does Not always mean preaching the Gospel and driving it home. It simply means to conduct yourself as a true image bearer of God and to reach out to your community and share God’s Love. You know the Agape love not the Philio Love. We were asked in Church a couple very pointed questions this week. Do I believe that Jesus Christ is who he said he was? Do I believe that Jesus Christ means everything that he had said? Without a shadow of a doubt I can say my answer is yes to both questions. I would not be where I am now if I did not believe that Christ meant everything that he said, the Gospel shows us that what Jesus said is the Truth. In addition the Gospel shows us without a doubt that He was who He said He was. Why does anyone doubt? This I will never know. I will say this to those who don’t believe in Christ, the Gospel, and the Church; what is wrong with you? Let’s just say for arguments sake, that you are a non believer in Christ, but yet you do believe in Hell and the Devil. What do you have to lose to take a chance and accept Christ as your personal Savior.

John 6:35-40 tells us.  “I am the bread of life,” Jesus told them. “No one who comes to Me will ever be hungry, and no one who believes in Me will ever be thirsty again. But as I have told you, you’ve seen Me, and yet you do not believe. Everyone the father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will never cast out. For I have come down from heaven, not to do My will, but the will of Him who sent me. This is the will of Him who sent Me: that I should lose none of those He has given Me but should raise them up on the last day. For this is the will of my father: that everyone who sees the Son and believes in Him may have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.”

For those of you who are non believers in Christ, take a look at that passage and really see what the ramifications could be of not accepting Christ as your personal savior. For me the choice was easy as it should be for any normal person as well but it is a decision that you have to make. Thank you for taking the time to read, and God Bless.

G.E.D.D.

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